Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
