youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
