You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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