just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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