i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
