i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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