I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
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