I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize