I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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