I can tuck mytits in my pants
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
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