I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
