If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
