So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
