I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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