Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
