You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
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Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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