Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
