oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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