I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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