I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
