eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
