Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
