I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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