That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
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