i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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