I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize