btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
