Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
