I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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