sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
