thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
