i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I met the friendliest cop last night
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
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