I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
