I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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