you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
