oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
