just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
