who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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