my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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