Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
