Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
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he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
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I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
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