Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
