oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
as a side note pls kill me
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
