I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
