Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
