Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
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The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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