He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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