Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
