hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
