So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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