My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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