I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
