i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
