in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
