I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
