I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
