im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
