When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
