Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
kristin has been a bad kristin
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
